Friends

I love seeing old friends, and I currently have two of them visiting me right now! Hilary flew into Denver Airport Saturday night, and she is staying here with me to keep me company and help with Hannah when she comes home. Monday my friend Kelly came to see me. We were stationed together in the Navy and I haven't seen her in almost four years! So, we've all been hanging out, as well as Kelly's son Logan. It kinda feels like we're single again, living in a dorm/barracks. It's been tons of fun and I really enjoy catching up with both of my wonderful friends!

Kelly and me

The best things in my life

So I suppose I should give an update to my life, other than the bull-shit drama.

Aaron left Monday (while this is not a good thing, he is one of the best parts of my life...just to clarify). It was the hardest goodbye that we have ever had. Even more so than when I had only been Mrs. Billings for a month and he was going away for the first time, and we had no idea what to expect from a deployment, or when I had found out less than 24 hours previously that we were going to have a baby. I think the reason for this is because while he was home we bonded. We became parents, who's number one concern is now their child. And no one else in the whole world feels about Hannah the way we do. It's like some sort of connection that we can only have with each other. And I love him differently too. Like as in he's the father of my child soft-of way. He gave me this gift, my perfect little Hannah, that no one else could have ever given me. Don't get me wrong, I am still in love with his as my husband, but seeing him in this different role made me fall in love with him all over again. Seeing the look on his face when he holds his baby girl, and knowing that he also has her best interest in mind -- just like me. And after everything that we went through, with the pre-term labor and him coming home on emergency leave and him seeing his daughter be born. Plus the whole NICU thing. I just don't know how I would've handled all that without him here. When the doctor told me that I was in fact in labor I started crying; I was scared. I didn't know what to expect or how healthy my baby would be. And while the doctor was talking to me, prepping me for what was about to happen, Aaron reached over and grabbed my hand, as if to say, "It's okay, no matter what happens, I am here; and I will always be here." And that small act reassured me and I was ready to move on with the delivery. And when we were saying our goodbyes I also felt sad because I felt sorry for him. He is having to leave the two people who he loves most in this world to go back to a place that he hates. And miss the first five moths of his child's life. No pictures or videos can replace him not being here. No matter how hard I try to capture every moment in her life, it's still not the same. He can't hug her or kiss her. He can't feed her her bottle. He can't put her to bed at night. It just breaks my heart to think of what he's going through. Honestly, I don't know if I would ever be able to do that. He is a much stronger person than me. So, yes I miss him, I miss his presence and lying next to him at night...all the little things. But, his love is worth the wait.

The other best thing in my life is, of course, little miss Hannah. Not much has changed with her situation, other than she was moved to another room in the NICU. This was done for staffing purposes, and making sure that the nurses don't get too loaded down with more babies than they can handle. Her room now has a view! I do have to say that so far, I don't like this pod as well as I did the other one. The nurses just don't seem as friendly. I already had to complain because one of them gave me attitude (after the terrible day I had Monday with Aaron leaving and the stupid bitch trying to sabatoge my life I just was NOT in the mood). We are working on breast-feeding, and that seems to be coming along okay. She latches on and sucks, but it is still a lot of work for her, so we just have to keep practicing every day. All I know is that I cannot wait to bring her home. It will be great to be here with her and do our own thing without the nurses breathing down my neck. She weighs over four pounds now, and she is starting to fill-out and not look so skinny. No word yet on when she might come home, but I don't think it will be more than a couple of weeks. I will be sure to keep you posted.

Obsessed

In reference to the previous blog that I posted:

Stop stalking my blog! Since you no longer want to be my friend (nor do I want to be yours) stop reading things about my life. The fact that you care enough to go to my blog multiple times a day and read what people are saying about you proves even more that you are guilty. I see everyone who visits my page and how often they visit it, so GO AWAY!

I'm still in shock

Yesterday something horrible happened. Someone that I used to be friends with tried to destroy my marriage and my friendship with my best friend all in one blow. I don't feel like going into the details of this matter. This is not the first time that she has betrayed me either.

All I have to say is that, in order to hurt me, you must be smarter than me. And she is not. She is an evil person, not capable of having feelings or compassion. Or a conscience for that matter.

You are a heartless person. May God have mercy on your soul, and may he also protect you if we ever cross paths again.

woohoo

So Hannah got to move out of her incubator yesterday! Now all she has to do is wake up for all of her feedings and be able to finish her entire bottle - which she did once for me yesterday. I bet she'll be home in two, maybe three weeks. Too bad Daddy won't be here at that time.

moving right along

Tonight I got to feed my baby girl for the first time! This is a HUGE step for little miss Hannah, it's one step closer to coming home. She ate a little over half of her feeding, which is really good for the first time. Tomorrow we might get to try nursing. It's the little things that make life great!

Prissy Pants

I can say that my daughter gets her demanding attitude honestly...from me! I was holding her and all of a sudden she threw a FIT! Her diaper had been changed, so it wasn't that. She wasn't in some weired position, so I knew she was comfortable. I re swaddled her so she could feel secure. She was screaming, arms flailing!!! Finally I stuck her binki in her mouth. ***Ding ding ding, we have a winner! All that for a pacifier!

Whew, I have my work cut out for me!!!

This picture was taken when she was one day old, just so you can see just how small 3 lbs 1 oz is.

rub-a-dub-dub

Hannah's in the tub!

I got to give her a real bath (apposed to sponge baths) for the first time tonight! She wasn't really a fan of being wet...

All clean and ready for bed!

THE best news!

So I was talking with Hannah's nurse yesterday, and she told me that Hannah could be coming home in as little as three weeks! It all depends on how well she does with eatting from a bottle/breast. She has to be able to eat and gain weight...some babies born early have a hard time with it because sucking can be exhausting for them, so they don't eat enough to gain weight. So lets hope she does well with it and is able to come home sooner rather than later (at the most it will be six weeks).

Hannah wearing clothes for the first time.

bow-chica-wow-wow!!!

As you know, my husband has been deployed for the past six months (and some change...but who's counting??). Now he's home on R&R so naturally we want to be intimate after half a year of abstinence. And since I just had a baby, it isn't quite what it used to be...as in I feel like we're in high school because it can't go much further than "heavy petting," so to speak. So, we decided that we are going to try to take it to the next level before he goes back for five more months. I feel up to it, so why not? But since I don't want any more babies any time soon, and I haven't seen the doctor about contraceptives yet, we bought condoms. This is not something that I thought I would be doing for the rest of my life, since I am married, and don't really care for them anyway. And Aaron and I have never used them since we have been together. So anyway we go to Walgreen's today and I was like, okay...go get them. He refused. Seriously?! He is 25 years old, and too embarrassed to buy condoms! That just cracks me up, which is why I chose to share this story. So I bought them, something that I have not done in nearly a decade. There are so many different types, and they are expensive! Haha, I hope that is the last time I venture down the condom aisle.

NICU day 13

Hannah is doing good. She has gained two ounces, and now weighs 3.3 lbs. She did have the oxygen taken out for about a week, but had to have it put back in today. The doctor said it's normal for preemies to have it, especially with the altitude here. She is having a little bit of reflux and pukes up her food sometimes, which is also normal for preemies because their stomach muscles don't work as well as full-term babies. Hopefully that will improve and we can start to bottle feed her in another week. Right now she has a feeding tube, because preemies don't have the ability to suck, swallow, and breathe all at the same time. Overall she is doing good though and everyone seems to think she will be able to come home before her due date. I hope so, I can't wait to have her here and be able to hold her all the time. I miss her so much when I am away from the hospital.

She ain't what she used to be

Giving birth is the most amazing thing ever. After all you are bringing another life, that you created, into this world. It's pretty cool. And I would go through it all over again, just to see that beautiful face looking up at me.

There are some things about it which suck though, in no particular order....

Such as:

1. An episiotomy...and the stitches that follow.
2. The seven extra pounds I acquired.
3. That one purple stretch mark on my creamy white belly.
4. Hemorrhoids.
5. No sex for six additional weeks (added to the six months of abstinence that I have already endured, and the five months that are to follow once the hubs goes back to Afghan).

Needless to say, between the stitches and hemorrhoids, sitting isn't as much fun as it used to be.

I love...

My husband and baby girl. I love that Aaron is home and he was able to be present for the birth of our daughter. I love being with them, and nothing in the world makes me happier. I love that Aaron is a really good Daddy, and you can see how much he loves Hannah by the look on his face when he is with her. I am seriously in love with my life right now, the only things that could really make it perfect would be Hannah coming home from the hospital and Aaron not leaving for Afghistan again. Other than that, life is great, and I love it!!!!