Four wonderful years

This year July 7th is a very bitter-sweet day for me, because it marks mine and Aaron's fourth wedding anniversary. It is happy that we are celebrating our marriage, but it's also sad because I cannot celebrate it with him. We've had good times, and bad times, and survived a 16 month deployment and are now currently surviving a 12 month one. Our relationship has, by no means, been perfect. We have both made mistakes, but at the end of the day no matter how mad we've been, we still are in love. I guess maybe that's what true love is, being able to love someone despite the hurtful things they have done. I honestly cannot believe that it has been four years since I became Mrs Aaron Billings, time has really flown by, but at the same time it feels like its been so much longer because of all that we've accomplished in that short amount of time.

So, anyway I would like to tell my husband, Happy Anniversary Babe! I love you and miss you so much, and even though we cannot be together at this time I know we are always together in our hearts. Being your wife is the most important job that I have ever had. Being separated is hard, but I love knowing that you picked me to wait for you, stand by you, and support you through it all, and please know that I always will. Your love is always worth the wait. *muah*

July 7, 2005

Pregnancy moment

So I had a pregnancy melt down this morning. Actually it was about an hour ago.

Anyway, in case you don't remember, Aaron has been relocated to another place. He left last Tuesday and I haven't heard from him since then. I have been anxiously awaiting his call. Two of my other Army wife friends, whose husbands are with mine, have both heard from theirs and told me that they were going out on a nine day mission. And that they thought they had left this morning. I was so pissed because Aaron hadn't called, and I couldn't even imagine that he would leave for that many days without even telling me...and to top it off our anniversary is Tuesday! I was furious that he was being so inconsiderate of his pregnant wife who he knows is waiting for his call.

I decided to use all of that negative energy to do something productive, like mow the lawn. So I was outside for all of 15 minutes, and when I came back in I had a voice mail from.....AARON! I broke down hysterically crying because I had missed his call and been so angry with him all morning. I called one of my friends, and she was like, girl, you're just pregnant and emotional...I have never seen you get this upset about missing his call! She's probably right, but I hate missing his calls especially on the weekend, because when he calls during the week I am usually at work and it's very hard to talk (remember the inconsiderate bitches?).

So, hopefully he calls me back in the next few days, because I really miss his voice!

20 things about 20 people

1. I really think you are a slutty bitch. You change your mind from day to day about what you want from your life, and nothing ever makes you happy. You are one of the most self-centered people I know, and I feel sorry for your spouse, who you are clearly using. You still party like you're in college. You are way to immature to be a mom because you put your wants over the kid's needs. It's obvious to everyone around you how you have such low self esteem. Grow Up!

2. You are one of the kindest people that I know. You have the biggest heart and are always there for your friends. You are one of the few true friends I have because I can tell you anything and know you will never judge me. I'm so glad that you came back!

3. We have been friends for so many years, and even though I made some mistakes when we were younger that could've ruined a friendship, you forgave me, and that's what true friends do. It makes me so sad that we live so far apart and don't get to see each other often. You make me laugh more than anyone else I know!

4. I love you, despite how much you've hurt me. Some of your actions are not entirely your fault, but you really need to get some help. You had a bad example of how a relationship should be, and unfortunately is has affected our relationship. I really feel sorry for you, because I don't think you see what you have done. I hope one day you will realize how much damage you have done.

5. I have never met you, but I love you more than anything in the world. I hope that you always know how much you mean to me and I never let you down. Your existence is everything that I ever wanted. You will always come first in my life, no matter what.

6. As much as I want our relationship to be like it was, it never will be. I trusted you and you betrayed me. And I think you have settled on a life that doesn't make you happy, and I really don't know why. I wish you would get away from the people who are bringing you down, because you don't seem happy.

7. You are the most two-faced person I know. It is obvious that you are so unhappy that you can't be happy for anyone else. You have such low self-esteem that you are incapable of making decisions for yourself, and are in need of constant approval. I honestly don't know why your spouse married you, much less stayed with you for almost 20 years. You are a bitch and you need to be on medication because you have serious emotional problems.

8. I really care about you, but I think that you are immature sometimes and don't know how to deal with real world problems. I really thought that we were going to be good friends, but now I don't know if I still feel that way.

9. I am in love with you. I have always loved you, and I always will love you, that will never change. I really wish that I could tell you how much you meant o me, but it's hard because of our past. I also think you are making a huge mistake but no one can make that decision for you, but yourself.

10. You are one of my best friends and we are so much alike. Sometimes I think you know me better than I know myself. You are always there for me, but don't hesitate to tell me when I'm being a fuck up. Sometimes I need tough love though and you give me that. I feel like we aren't as close as we used to be because of our busy lives and the distance between us, and that makes me sad.

11. Where do I begin with you? You have made so many mistakes that have shaped my adult life. You weren't supportive when I needed you the most. You were supposed to give me unconditional love and support but you failed. You were always judgemental and nothing was ever good enough, and it still isn't. I learned a lot from you about what I don't want to become. I will always have anger toward you and nothing you do now can change that.

12. I think you are narrow-minded and ignorant. You give stupid advice that no one in their right mind would glisten to. It irritates me just to hear you talk. I think you failed your child and they have suffered because of it. They don't know how to show love because you are such a cold person and didn't give them the affection that they deserved. I am glad that I only have to deal with you a few times a year.

13. You don't have your priorities in order. You let your spouse dictate everything you do in your life and I don't understand why you are married to someone who is so needy. Our relationship has really suffered because you never stood up for yourself.

14. I wish I would've never met you. You are controlling and abusive. You are the biggest dick I know and I hate you. It's really sad how stupid I was about our relationship, because I am better than that and deserve more.

15. I am really glad that we have become such good friends. You have helped me so much since Aaron's been gone. I do think you need to quit partying so much and have different priorities. But you are a great person and I hope we are friends for a long time.

16. We didn't get to spend as much time together as we needed to. I miss you every day and need you so often. You set the greatest example I had in my life. You were really like a mother to me, and I love you so much.

17. I don't know why I was ever friends with you. You were always a hypocrite and thought everyone else was so wrong yet you were doing stuff that was even worse. You made every one believe that you were so perfect, but it was just a huge lie. I'm glad that I moved away and got away from you.

18. Your life is so sad. I hope that some day you figure out what you want from life. You had so much potential yet you got involved with the wrong people and ruined your life. I wish that we could've remained friends and I could've helped you before it was too late.

19. You make me happier than most things in my life. I wish I could spend all day with you every day! Having your companionship has helped me so many times and I can't bear to think of you getting old. You always make me smile.

20. I don't think anyone knows the real you. You find it very hard to really trust people. Some of the people you have loved most in your life have hurt you the most. I don't know if you will ever be really happy, but you seem to accept things the way they are even though you always wonder "what if." You are too scared to take that chance that could make you happiest. It's sad that you might spend your whole life never knowing true love.

Brrrrrrrr

It's time to break out the snow suit! The A/C at work is set as low as it will get...below 50! Do you want to know why? Cause I work with a bunch of fat menopausal bitches! Just because you're having hot flashes does not give you the right to make me suffer for eight hours a day by sitting at my desk shivering! Be considerate to the other people who are in the room, seriously.

follow-up

So I had my follow-up ultrasound on Tuesday. Little Hannah is a mover and a shaker! I feel her move all the time, but seeing how active she is in that tight little space is unreal! Anyway, the ultrasound tech couldn't really give me and info on the tissue that's growing, but she did show it to me. I won't know any more about it until my 24 week appointment - which is still two weeks away! So I am hoping for a good report.

While I was having the ultrasound done I thought I might have this tech confirm that I am in fact having a girl, just to be on the safe side. She said that she is positive that my baby is a girl...so now it's time to paint the nursery pink! I asked her for more pics, cause hey who doesn't want as many pics of their unborn child as they can get? She was kinda snotty about it and told me that I should've gotten them at my last appointment, which I did. But I mean while you're looking around in there couldn't you just get one good shot of her face? Her daddy is deployed, I'm sure he'd like to see them too since he is pretty uninvolved in the whole thing. So she took one, which was pretty blurry, so I'm not even going to bother posting it. And she had been sucking her thumb and it was just the sweetest thing, but of course the tech didn't bother to capture that Kodak Moment.

And yesterday I bought my crib! It's being ordered and should be here in 7-14 days. I'm super excited, here is a pic of it.

KIDS

So during the day when I'm at work I don't do much, I'll just be honest. And while I am sitting at my desk not doing much I watch videos on YouTube to keep away the boredom.

I just had to share these, they are too cute!

Spinach/Spanish


Injured Bad

ABC's of ME!!!!

A-Age: 25
B-Birth date: January 16, 1984
C-Chore you hate: folding laundry
D-Dog's name: Maggie, Macy and Eddy
E-Enter or Exit: depends on what it is I'm entering or exiting.
F-Favorite color: pink!
G-Gold or silver: Silver, white gold, or platinum (my personal fav)
H-Hair color: Brown w/ blonde highlights
I-Instrument: I can play the flute
J-Job Title: phone operator...soon to be stay-at-home army wife and mommy!
K-Kids: Hannah Erin, due Oct 27th
L-Living arrangements: just me and my doggies til baby Hannah arrives and Aaron returns from deployment
M-Monkey or Moose: Moose
N-Nicknames: don't really have any
O-Odd thing about you: I like to eat peanut butter on my pancakes
P-Pet Peeve: clothes left lying on the floor that belong in the dirty clothes hamper, same goes for dirty dishes that belong in the dishwasher
Q-Quote from a movie: i don't have a favorite
R-Right/Left Handed: Righty Tighty
S-Siblings: none (thank God, cause my mommy still spoils me!)
T-Time you wake up? work days 0640, weekends when Aaron calls about 0800, every other day about 0930
U-Underwear: currently wearing maternity thongs -- the most comfortable undies EVER!
V-Veggie you dislike: asparagus
W-What makes you run late: me! I really hate getting up early in the morning, so therefore I get up at the last minute and am late, often.
X-X-Rays: Teeth, both legs,both hips, arm, idk what else
Y-Yummy food you make: my chicken and dumplings are pretty bomb, not gonna lie!
Z-Zoo Animal: penguin

Mental Health Day

Today I called in sick from work because I have an upset stomach. I am sure the cause of this is nerves, so really it' more like a mental health day to save my sanity.

Nothing ever really goes wrong when my husband is home. But of course, as soon as he gets on a plane to fly across the globe someone casts a spell on me that makes my life hell. And then everything goes wrong. Everything that I cannot fix and need him for. Such as my air conditioner.

Yep that's right. My a/c stopped working yesterday. So I called the person that I always do when in a crisis. My daddy. Since he is over a thousand miles away it's hard for him to diagnose a problem that he cannot see. He walked me through a few things to try to decided that it must be a blown fuse. Of course I had to wait until Lowe's opened today, because it was after closing time when my crisis occurred yesterday. I worried about it all night. Mostly I was worried about something else being broken with the a/c rather than the fuse. Something that I was incapable of fixing myself and would have to pay an arm and a leg for someone else to repair.

So, first thing this morning I went to Lowe's, got a set of fuses and came home, installed them, and voila! IT WORKED!!!!! Ten bucks later I am cool as a cucumber sitting at my desk typing this blog! I am ever so thankful that I didn't have to pay someone hundreds of dollars to fix it, thanks Dad!

I am going to spend the rest of my mental health day doing other things around the house that I have been putting off. Change the filters for the air-flow system, drag out the ladder and change the light bulbs in the fixture over my stairs, install a new front porch light that doesn't look like it fell out of the 1980's, put up our American flag for the 4th of July....you get the point! Today will be way more productive than if I had gone to work.

My baby shower

Today my friends here in Colorado Springs had a baby shower for me! It was lovely, pink everywhere! We ate, played games, and opened presents. I got so many nice gifts. I have such wonderful friends who really have become my Colorado family.


I would like to give a special thanks to Jenn and Taylor for putting it all together! You girls are the best!

A couple grapes short of a fruit salad...

I don't know if the stars are in a funny alignment or if it's a full moon or what, but these patients are driving me nuts! My job consists of answering the phone and transferring it to the appropriate party. So I talk to almost every one that calls this office. And there are two people today who have pissed me the eff off.

The first one was a woman who needed directions to our office. First of all it annoys me when people call and say, "I need directions." Um, okay, from where??? There are about a million different ways to get to our office from any part of town. Use your head people, think before you speak!!! Anyway this dumb bitch (yes I said bitch, cause that's what she WAS) called and needed directions. Of course I had to ask her where she was coming from, so she told me, and she was really only about a block away, but I needed to know which direction she was traveling in (ie north, south, etc.) so that I could tell her which way to turn. She snapped at me, "I don't know where I am or what direction I'm heading!" Well, for those of you that aren't from here or have never been here, Colorado Springs is like the the last place you would ever get lost. It sits at the bottom of the Rocky Mountains (which are west)...so that is a huge indicator as to which direction you are traveling. They are always west and they will always be west, so as long as you passed third grade geography you should be able to figure out which way north or south are. So then I asked her if the mountains were in front of or behind her. "Ma'am, you are confusing me, I don't know what the mountains have to do with anything!" So I then explained that the mountains are west and in order for me to give her accurate directions I need to know which way she is traveling. So, after we got that all sorted out, and she seemed to understand how to get here (she was less than a block away) we hung up. She called back. THREE times!!!! She needed directions on how to get into the parking lot (I am seriously not kidding) and where to go once inside the building, after I had told her a few times that we are in suite 200. And she wanted to know which floor that was on. Um, all suites starting with a 2 are on the second floor...duh! I am assuming that she was capable of opening her car door and walking through the parking lot into the office, but that might have been too difficult.

So then the second genius to call our office within an hour of us opening was this man who hadn't taken a dump in 3 days! Oh my God, call the FBI! And he went on, and on, and on about it! So I explained that the person he needed to talk to was in with patients and I couldn't interrupt her unless it was an emergency. His mommy called back. This man is 50 friggin years old! My co-worker then explained that due to patient confidentiality he would have to call himself. What she really should've told her was that since he needed his mommy to make his calls for him, she should give him an enema and wipe his ass for him too! Those two have called, oh about seven times today, and it's not even lunch-time.

Wow, I am SO ready for this day and week to be over! I seriously do not have the patience to deal with these dumb-asses!